Preconception - an idea or opinion you have about something before you really know much about it.
Whenever I'm training Amarion at the basketball gym, I get this question all the time from other parents, especially from dads: "How do you get your son to listen to you?"
There are no simple answers to this question because the dynamics of every family is different. However, I truly believe that being a 'Coach-Dad' to your sons or your daughters begins from the womb. Dads are already at a disadvantage because for about 9 months, a special type of bond is established between a mother and a child. Needless to say, it has always been my belief that the way a dad acts with the pregnant mother of your unborn child correlates to the dad's future relationship to his child. For example, as a dad, if you don't care about the wellbeing of the pregnant mom, do you even care about the wellbeing of your child? If you haven't been to one doctor's or an ultrasound appointment, are you ever going to be present in their life? And yes, I do understand that there are unexpected events, but during these early stages, if you cannot prioritize what's more important to you, will your children ever come first? I'm proud to say that I never missed one appointment.
So at the gym, when I'm asked, "How do you get your son to listen to you?" I'm always compelled to say that fatherhood starts at home and not on the basketball court. I've been so active and present in my children's lives since conception that this is my stance based on my personal experiences. Our close-knit relationship has become such a norm to me, to a point where I didn't even noticed that other parents struggle to get there with their own children.
No Days Off Policy
December 21, 2021, a few weeks after I lost my job, and a month after Amarion's 7th birthday, I decided to dedicate the rest of my life to teach my son the game of basketball. It was his time to work. We had a mutual agreement that we will not quit on each other and we would see this journey through, regardless of the outcome. The plan was to build up an insane work ethic that no kid was able to sustain or maintain: 7 days a week, about 4-6 hours on any given schooldays; 6-8 hours on weekends, school breaks and summer vacations. 99% of the world population would say that this is crazy, or would even call this child abuse, but no one will never know my son better than me. Throughout the years, I've built such a great bond with Amarion that I know how to push through his limits, how conversate with him and I'm aware of what he is capable of achieving.
The first month was the most challenging for the two of us. I was learning how to separate myself from being a coach and a dad, and for Amarion, he was having a hard time getting used to the tough love coming from a coach who was also his dad. I didn't care that he was only 7 years old. I wasn't going to take it easy on him, but it wasn't easy for me neither. There were many times where I was fighting back tears, seeing how emotional or frustrated he was getting in-between sets of an exercise. I had to remind myself that if I had a father in my life, as a kid with a dream, I would want my father to help me to surpass my limits. He might not have seen the benefits back then, but knowing what I knew, Amarion would eventually understand my no-bull-crap, aggressive style of coaching. I couldn't give up on my son, and I wouldn't allow him to give up on himself or his basketball dreams. In order for him to see the results of his consistency and hard work, he needed to be the perfect example for himself. Daddy, nor Coach, was going to bail him out. He had to learn the hard ways...the only way, by getting it done on his own.
In the summer of 2022, Amarion finally came to terms with who he was dealing with as his Coach-Dad. It was the most intense and heated argument we've had at that point. During a scrimmage basketball game, playing 3 versus 3 with some kids from the Prolific Summer Camp, Amarion had severely hurt his elbow due to a hard fall on the court. "Daddy! Daddy?" he cried out, as I continued to seat, watching him from the sidelines. I shook my head, gesturing that I wasn't going to check-up on him. Eventually, he had the courage to get up, but he was outraged, stomping towards my direction. With tears running down his face, he screamed at me, "You don't care about me? Why you didn't get up?" I responded, "Amarion, what would you do if I was not here?" Hysterically, he kept on yapping, "I could have broken my arm, you don't care about me!" At that time, Amarion could not have seen the lesson that I was teaching him. But, from that very moment, whenever he falls down, he no longer cries out for anyone's help or seeks my immediate attention. He simply just gets up on his own. I just needed to see that my son could get up, just in case, I'm no longer around. Because in life, he will have to face many battles on his own, and he just needed to know that he can get up when he falls down.
A Fundamental Year
Throughout my life, I've had more than two handful of incredible coaches who have contributed to my knowledge for sports. Track and Field and Basketball were my expertise. For every lesson that I've heard, it was my duty to transfer that information to my son at at earlier age. Everything was pre-planned through a ROADMAP - a guide to work towards set goals until his 18th birthday. As a 7 year old, Year 7 was all about the year of fundamentals. Rightfully so, it was in my son's best interest to build his foundation, not only on a strong work ethic and consistency, but also on the basics of basketball. Everyday at Prolific Sports House, in the basement of our house, or on the driveway, we worked towards accomplishing the tasks on his roadmap with various high intensity drills. 8 months later, I thought he would be ready to try-out and make a club basketball team, but we were both wrong...
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I think you are doing a fantastic job raising your boys. Not many children get this hands on, one to one from their dad and you go above and beyond. It was so good to run into you yesterday and tell your wife that that was the BEST muffin I have ever had. It was so moist and the icing, WOW The only bad part is I live to close to the bakery. Sending blessings and happiness to you and your family for a Merry Christmas.
Man you are truly an inspiration you and your son ✊🏽. When I have kids I hope to have this type of dedication to push them and help them be great!